Beneath a giant octopus

Here I am. Alone with my thoughts and a giant octopus. At two a.m.

The lumas of this subway station were mercilessly puking out it's dazzling bright light onto a fatigued crowd, enlightening every shade of red in tired/drunken eyes, cheeks and nosetips. I was one out of ten. I screen myself to the tired lot rather than the drunken, I think I've earned that description after a considerably moderate night of drinking.

The beast stared down at me with its giant, glossy, empty eyes, as he spread his arms over a bid podium. He was made of leather. Eyes of green glass. But the mere volume of his body, together with the knowing that squids actually often lie still to camouflage, made his prescense very... Affecting. Alive.

The others didn't exist. In our bubble of thoughts there were only Him and me.

I nestled down below one of his giant arms, leering upwards at his face. Thought about tonights greatest mistake.

This was the story. I had asked two friends if they wanted to join for a night out, and asked them to bring friends in turn. Now, the night started well, but eventually a great entangled yarn of split wills tore the two camps apart, and I, naive and confused, came after some naive tryings of making everyone happy, to the disappointed conclusion that there's no point trying to fight against your own nature to make other people happy.

My body wanted to sleep. So I went home to another friend and slept.

And had a wonderful barbecue the night after, with renewed energy and far lower expectations. That exceeded with a panache, as the night offered fireworks, great friendship, nice food, relaxation, a huge fire surrounded by Fjortisar to laugh at, spontaneous dance, a sunset, and millions of tonnes of cleverer or uncleverer talks and laughs.Thanks a million for the night, Elin, Frida, Linnea, Frida, Johan, Kurt, Gabbe, Titti, Maria, Henrik, and I've probably forgotten to name half of the people there but greetings to you too!

Why do I sometimes make myself such a hard time trying to be something I'm not...?